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Wednesday, January 23, 2008



I have to know...

Why is virtually EVERYTHING marketed as "Christian TV" such unmitigated crap, such as is unworthy for my compost heap. (Yaaay! My "Most Hated Christian Blogger" award is in the mail!)

Seriously...I have lived in Flandersville, with a diet of "Little House" and "Where the Red Fern Grows", and I have moved. Now, both of those worthy examples are secular works, and delightsome in their way, but they serve to illustrate that the best that "Christian Programming" has to offer...is produced by the secular world.

Come on, the best thing that "Christian TV" has ever had to offer is "Davey and Goliath" (pre-70's) and "Flying House". OK, I'll spot you "Gospel Bill" for the sheer quirkiness of Kenneth Copeland as the black hat. And "Bananas", the family-friendly stand-up comedy show. But that is IT!

I received an ad for SkyAngel, a satellite TV service featuring different "Christian" "Inspirational" and "Family" TV and radio channels. Hear what the SkyAngel blurb saith:

Our Vision:
To provide a global communications platform as an instrument of unity to equip the Body of Christ to fulfill the Great Commission.

Our Mission: To build and operate a global communications system as the most effective means of assuring that the Gospel will penetrate every nation, culture and people.

Mercy. It is so sad that Jesus had the bad luck to come to earth 2000 years before global communications technology was available. All that apostolic sandal-leather gone to waste. The Vision of SkyAngel is breathtaking, and utterly vain.

"To provide a global communications platform as an instrument of unity"


Hmmmm....seems the New Testament has a thing or two to say about that:

Ephesians 4:1-6
(1) I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beseech you that you walk worthy of the calling with which you are called,
(2) with all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, forbearing one another in love,
(3) endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
(4) There is one body and one Spirit, even as you are called in one hope of your calling,
(5) one Lord, one faith, one baptism,
(6) one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in you all.


The seven unities expressed in the passage form a basis for our unity, the unity we are to strive for.

Eph 4:11 And truly He gave some to be apostles, and some to be prophets, and some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers,
Eph 4:12 for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ.
Eph 4:13 And this until we all come into the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a full-grown man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;


God gave apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors (shepherds, bishops) and teachers to teach and equip us to be in unity and maturity. To whom did he give these gifts?

SkyAngel? EWTN? TBN? CBN?

The church.

Once again, men have a Real Good Idea (see the vision and mission above) that utterly fails to bow the knee to the Lord it purports to serve. God did not call a satellite network to preach the Gospel, or to promote unity. He called the church, commissioned the church in Christ to spread the Good News. Don't misunderstand, I am no King James Luddite, insisting on sword-and-sandal evangelism, with but a papyrus sheaf of Aramaic verse clutched earnestly in a sweaty palm. My point is that it is the church, not some business or company, that is called upon to do the work...of the church. The church may do radio, or even have a satellite uplink, I reckon, to spread the Good News. But for the job of making disciples (where this unity business happens) you must have face time, one person taking the edges off of another, learning to live the Gospel, to do the Gospel. That is how "the Gospel will penetrate every nation, culture and people.", by men and women teaching other men and women how to be Christians.

Part and parcel with the "evangelistic mission" of Christian TV is having stuff to watch when you're not watching preaching and teaching. After all, a steady diet of Joel Osteen, Benny Hinn, and Jessie DuPlantis would be like eating a steady diet of Twinkies and Cap'n Crunch. You need some meat and potatoes...like Ozzie and Harriet reruns, nutritional supplement infomercials, and kids shows. Kid's shows like this. And this

To truly understand my horror, go here:"The Legend at Gaither's Pond" (by Live Bait Productions). Ugly AND twaddly. Sweet. Seriously...the character design scares me! Shucks...just go down the list.

Can I do CG animation? No, but I know what looks good. The Veggie Tales do an excellent job of writing and animation (OK, I'll spot you Veggie Tales, but NO MORE).

I remember when Focus on the Family began its run of the MOST excellent "Adventures in Odyssey" radio dramas, there were some homeschool-type mothers (yes, we have homeschooled our four kids) who would write in to Dr.Dobson to complain about the Bad Guys on his show.

Pause and savor the irony there.

Dobson, or one of his production staff, explained the need for conflict to move the story.
Silly man, he doesn't need conflict or drama. to tell the story. I mean, God didn't use conflict in the Bible to get the spiritual message across.

(pauses a beat)

There is no need for twaddly treacle to instruct children, or to entertain them, but sadly, twaddle seems the bill of fare for most Christian TV. Second-rate animation or set design does not present the Kingdom in a good light, nor the Excellence which should befit the work of the church.

Please, PLEASE. If you are a Christian, and in Media, PLEASE do it as unto the Lord, with excellence. If it is to promote the message, make that a double.

23 comments:

David The Good said...

Boy oh boy... you nailed it.

And - WOW - that stuff was scary. Live bait for sure.

Actually, my bait worms are more attractive.

Anonymous said...

I should have a comment on this, but I just can't express my irritation with "christians" on this subject. Perhaps a comment from C.S. Lewis... (can't remember the exact quote)... We must have believable bad guys in our stories, or the children will not know how to respond when they face real evil in their lives. If we don't show them how to be champions for good, they will cower in the corner, afraid and unsure how to act.

I blame Carmen, personally.

The Aardvark said...

You mean the INCREDIBLE Carman??

"The Champion" Carman?

OK.

(Boy, he can put on a show!!!)

Y'know I hadn't even thought of him in ages.
Yet another example of extra-Biblical "ministry".

I still can't find a preacher in the Scripture who charged his listeners to teach 'em the Gospel. Am I riding a hobby horse, here?

Ah reckon so...

Love the Lewis paraphrase. That is utterly true.

Unknown said...

I still have two projects before work begins on the television series idea, but point taken.

How do you feel about "post-apocalyptic," simply meaning after a cataclysm on a global scale, television with Christian ideals?

The Aardvark said...

"How do you feel about "post-apocalyptic," simply meaning after a cataclysm on a global scale, television with Christian ideals? Misses E "

Works for me. My issue isn't with specific genres. If a Christian SF / conspiracy series could be done, it would be neat...serializing Lewis' Space Trilogy", f'rinstance.

My problem is with execution: a practical outworking of the current crop of Greasy Grace adherents. It doesn't matter WHAT we do...as long as it talks about JEEEE_zus.

Not to canonize the Andersons, but one of the main reasons I love Supercar and Thunderbirds is that they excelled in their execution. Wood & fiberglass puppets, and aircraft hung on wires. That you could often see. But they did it WELL, with clever writing, and amazing scores by Barry Gray. They even sped up the camera speed when filming special effects, so that when run at normal speed, it didn't look like a firecracker in a plastic model.

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might" means to do it well.
Christian ideals? GREAT! Just hold the treacle.
If the book of Acts were written by today's crop of "Christian" writers, there would be no whips, no stonings, no martyrs.

Just another round of Kum Bah Ya.

Anonymous said...

I fear the current crop of "Christian" entertainment is the result of appealing to the lowest common denominator. Keeping it simple so that even the weakest "believer" understands it. And more importantlly, they are 'encouraged' by it.

Besides, we can't make a Christian movie from Lewis' space trilogy. He published a curse word in that last one. Shame on him.

:o(

Unknown said...

Oh no, don't worry. You know me. You don't get a Misses E. story without something dark and sinister going on somewhere. Otherwise there's nothing to contrast against the heroes, and writing pap with heroes void of imperfections and trials gets boring anyway.

The Aardvark said...

It gets worse in "The Magician's Nephew".
The evil uncle referred to the witch as a

"dem fine gel."

Every kid knew what that meant!
--------------

Christian media attempts have really become retarded to a 50's mentality.

Back in the' 70's, there was NUDITY in 'The Hiding Place"!!!

Utterly non-erotic, and utterly correct and accurate for the story. It was a part of the cattle-like dehumanizing the prisoners experienced in the camps.

Unknown said...

If the book of Acts were written by today's crop of "Christian" writers, there would be no whips, no stonings, no martyrs.

Just another round of Kum Bah Ya.


You're making me seriously consider changing my self-categorization from Christian Sci-Fi and Fantasy to just Sci-Fi and Fantasy, so I'm not associated with all the fluffy bunny writers.

The Aardvark said...

CD...now you've done it.

You made me mad! ;^)

And more importantly, they are 'encouraged' by it.

When did "encourage" become such a mantra in the church. We have a guy who uses it as emotional blackmail to get people to attend Sunday and Wednesday nights: "It "encourages" me when you are here"

Me, I don't care. (I say this seriously.) If you (or I) do not attend a meeting, then it is because A) you do not WISH to be there or B) you CANNOT be there. Either way, it is not my place to bug you into showing up. Now if you stop going ALTOGETHER, that's another issue altogether.
-------------------
There is an "Exciting New Church" meeting at the local Rave Theater. Radio ads invite you to come for "an Encouraging Message". To me, this says:

"We're gonna tell you how wonderful you are, and we won't confront you about sin."

Granted that is my reaction to a word, but I'd lay odds that I'm mostly accurate.

The Aardvark said...

Misses E, my sweet,

That would not be a bad move, just from a business aspect. You are automatically limiting response to (read: "purchase of") your work to a subset of a broader fandom.

"Christian SF & F" telegraphs "Doves and Crosses" to me. Christian Art is far more than that. (I know you know this. I speak to a broader audience.)

Lewis wrote SF whilst being a believer. He did not market it as "Christian SF".

OTOH, this is just one Aardvark's opinion.

The Aardvark said...

Mercy...when did I become so...annoyingly opinionated?

Anonymous said...

CD...now you've done it.

You made me mad! ;^)


'Bout damn time. ;o)

Your rant about 'encouragement' was exactly what I was driving at.

This is a topic that requires more thought. This "Christian" label attached to one's art - written or visual.

Misses E, I agree with the Aardvark. Drop the "Christian" label and the "Christian Publisher." Neither is worth the hastle. You will become a target for the nut cases that called to complain to one of my favoriate radio stations for playing Sprite commercials on a Christian Station. Ya know, cause a "sprite" was an Irish Imp.

:o( Weak minded fools.

The Aardvark said...

This is a topic that requires more thought. This "Christian" label attached to one's art - written or visual. -CD

One name:
Thomas Kinkade

Unknown said...

There is an "Exciting New Church" meeting at the local Rave Theater. Radio ads invite you to come for "an Encouraging Message".

Oh, I can't stand those ads! They make me wish I still worked at the station, so I could bug the salesperson responsible for their being on-air much the same way I do the guy who has all those blatantly false West Corp recruitment ads.

I'm dropping the "Christian" label. If folks are sharp, they'll catch references regardless. If not, hopefully they'll still get the message, even if I don't use the bludgeon them to death with a blunt object method.

Unknown said...

Ya know, cause a "sprite" was an Irish Imp.

:o( Weak minded fools.


There has been insanity surrounding Christian media. You know, I've actually been amazed I wasn't burned at the stake for daring to use a druidess as my main character in a story published by a magazine under a Christian banner, even though the story was set in first century Ireland.

Anonymous said...

You know, I've actually been amazed I wasn't burned at the stake for daring to use a druidess as my main character in a story published by a magazine under a Christian banner, even though the story was set in first century Ireland.

Is there somewhere I can read that story?

Unknown said...

Sure, CD. Send me a message through the email on my profile, and I'll send you the link. They had it in the archives still last time I checked.

The Aardvark said...

West Corp?
I don't remember them.

(I dismember them?)

Were they run out of town on a rail?

Unknown said...

Nope, West is still around unfortunately. They're kind of a contracting company for telecommunications. They house call floors for all sorts of companies, and generally have a reputation of having one of the coldest corporate cultures around. However, this seems to only hold true for their on-site positions. Those I've heard from who work for them from home seem to have a drastically different opinion of the company.

Houston said...

I'm not sure if the link was supposed to take me to Sky Angel's "Wobots" movie, but I looked up that trailer on YouTube. "Wobots" is a classic example of modern Christian entertainment: dated, derivative, mawkish, and incompetent. You can feel the contempt for the audience flowing out from the screen, starting with the movie's title.

I cannot adequately express my loathing for the cult of childishness that has infected Christianity in America, a cult whose most embarrassing manifestations emerge in the performing arts.

Mahatma Randy said...

Yeah, I pretty much agree. Part of the problem is that they don't know what they're doing, part of the problem is that they don't need to do better. I'll use the STRYPER example: I don't know a single person who actually LIKED STRYPER. I knew lots of people who had their albums. They felt it was their duty to support them. Grandmothers knew the kids liked that guitarish music, and were assured those strange looking men on the cover were devil-free, so they bought copies for their grandkids. If you've got a built-in audience which will gladly buy whatever you put out there because they feel it's their religious duty, where's the incentive to do better?

Coincidentally, this is the same problem with Star Trek. :)

The Aardvark said...

"Coincidentally, this is the same problem with Star Trek. :)"

BLASPHEMER!