I encourage all to find online the "My Little Pony - Friendship is Magic" (sugar crystallizes in my very veins to write that) episode about the Flim Flam Brothers.
Here is The Song:
There, now that you are back from dealing with your Pony-induced diabeetus, there is a reason for this display (beyond my desire to share an astoundingly complex song from a kid's cartoon). "Traveling sales ponies nonpareil". WHAT A LYRIC!
Riatsila is car shopping. I offered to shoot him in the head to put him out of his misery, but no, no- he had to do this. He found the Car of His Dreams online, in his Scotsman's price range, and called the dealership in Murfreesboro, TN to haggle a bit, and to let them know of his interest. He told them we would drive up (90 minutes) to look at it and make the cash purchase if it checked out (ran a CarFax,,,it was sweet). We drove up, and had a pleasant trip, tingling with anticipation, both knowing how Chris Matthews felt in '08.
We got up there, found the company: Sp**dw*y Auto Sales. I maneuvered into the packed car lot, and Riat went to make his honorable intentions known. The portly...no, that's not right. "Portly" suggests London Bankers in their Club, waiting to hear news of Fogg's Journey. The fat florid-faced salesman looked confused, then went into the office to announce what car we were looking for. S*eed*ay is not a large lot, so this seemed odd. The office was filled with many fat, red-faced middle-Tennessee purveyors of automotive excellence, and one in the corner said that in checking it that afternoon, they found that the engine was about to blow. It couldna' take it any morrrre. One seated chunk of humanity said that it would be sold "AS IS", indicating their piety in preventing Riat's driving off in a junker. From the depths of the office came the info that a new engine would cost $2000. Another worthy burbled summat about trouble at "bottom of the engine". Another standee asked if we were looking for a cash sale, and offered that the closest to our amount was a Mercedes wagon for double what Riatsila wished to pay. Someone else muttered about taking the car off their website.
I muttered "Sweet."and we turned to take our leave of Spe*dwa* Auto Sales, 103 SE Broad St., Murfreesboro, TN. We were glum on the 90 minute drive home.
Now, I can fathom that they were in fact saving us from a purchase vile, and that their faces shone brightly that night as they returned home to hearth and family, warm in the knowledge of a Day Well Spent. I can. I should, but the atmosphere of the place when we walked in smelt of "scam", and the way everyone piled on with little details said "disingenuous", and the way they did NOT show us the car, and instead offered an alternative auto at twice the price said "bait-and-switch". So we will watch to see if the car comes down. If it does not, well, there is always the Better Business Bureau, and the State Attorney General.
Used car salesmen nonpareil.