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Sunday, February 05, 2012

(paying for) A Diamond is Forever!

Most people have no clue what a racket the JEWelry business really is. (OK, the gag was for Galt. Do not stone me with stale matzoh balls.) But really, people know that gems are expensive. Just like EVERYONE knows that you are s'posed to pay your taxes. (Judges pillory the non-compliant with that precise ruling time and again. When pressed, the judges never supply the legal roadmap to that gnosis.)

But really...EVERYONE knows that diamonds and emeralds and rubies, oh my, are all supposed to be very expensive. That's what earns the squeals and other noises later on from the recipient. Back in the day, brilliant blue-white diamonds were the ne plus ultra of carboniferous sparklies. Anything else was...skimping.  But now, look what we have. Champagne diamonds. CHOCOLATE diamonds (which may be fudging). Jewelry companies have seized upon what were in the past inferior diamonds (with a lower price) and with the wave of the "wordmark" wand, Hey, Presto! The "Chocolate Diamond" is born, commanding a yummy, creamy, dreamy premium price. (I just learned "wordmark" tonight. What a fatuous term.)

Jewelry stores are essentially for suckers. Markups range from 100% to 1000%, with 300% being normal, from my reading. (the M% is not typical, but IS possible. This is why the internet and "1-800" jewelers can "discount 50%" and stay in business.) 

What's the point? Suckers are the point. "Jared" jingles sung by shrieking gold-diggers "THAT'S JARED!!!" Every Kiss Begins with "KAY". Like that. The inferior being flogged as AWESOME!
Sigh. Meh. Other noises as needed. It is precisely like Mothers Day cards, and Valentines Day. Sucker bait.

Which is not that I disdain giving the Dread Dormomoo goodies for holidays, and civicdays. I dote on the D.D.  It's just that any chocolate she receives will likely be of the Whitman's variety.

HEY!! She knew what she was getting into.

(The words Chocolate Diamonds is a wordmark owned by Le Vian Corporation as a registered trademark. This wordmark covers "Jewelry, watches, timepieces, jewelry watches, jewelry chains, jewelry pins, jewelry amulets and jewelry rings all made in whole or in part of diamonds.)


Michael W said...

"CHOCOLATE diamonds (which may be fudging)."


And yeah, the Kay Jewelers commercials absolutely get on my wick. Just like the Skatell commercials used to be much more imaginative (and romantic) until some idiot came up with the phrase "SkaTELL her".

None of these ads possess the classic sense of fun of the friendly woman shouting out: "Hey Culligan Man!"

The Aardvark said...

I have included a Chocky diamond ad for your perusal. It does NOT have the shrill "It can only be JARED" harpy chorus, and I cannot find a decent legit clip online, which is shocking. The one version has such bad sound quality that it sounds like they are singing whilst gargling atop an off-balance washer on spin.

This is why I keep going back to Freberg again and again.

Michael W said...

Seriously, has anyone ever seen a grown woman drooling over diamonds the way it's depicted in commercials such as these?

(For that matter, has anyone ever seen any adult act the way 90% of adults act in commercials?)

Stan Freberg! Made me immediately go back and re-watch the Sunsweet commercial that featured Ray Bradbury. I know it's still possible to get a witty commercial in this day in age, but somehow the art has just been diluted. These days advertisers seem much more interested in sitting on your chest and pushing the message down your throat. Repeatedly.

tungga said...

i like that article. that article is good to read. thanks