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Monday, February 06, 2012

John Carter of...East Lansing? (or) Flogging the Moribund Thoat

HERE is the link to the a-MAY-zing trailer for Disney's John Carter of Sandusky. I guess that's where he is, or where he's from, or summat. The chick says "John Carter of Earth", but that's a tad broad.

I have no clue as to Disney's marketing scheme. Mars is sexy. It is believable. John Carter of Uranus would be ridiculous, though perhaps in keeping with some of the current Disney kultur. ("Ratatouille" was a paean to gay angst: "My father is unhappy with my life-choices. Pass the Brie.") Why (and yes, I know I've trodden this ground before.) would you market the classic "John Carter of Mars" story as merely "John Carter"? Sweet Dejah Thoris, why?


On the other hand, I have reason to be cranky. I spent four hours last night with chills, feeling so cold that I did not want to move out of my little warm blanket cocoon to put on sweats, 'cos it would be COLD out there. Then the feverishness hit, and I could get up 'cos I wasn't cold anymore...that and the tepid pump kicked on. Why they have the gall to market the things as heat pumps, beyond the engineering jargon, is beyond my capacity. So I am peevish and ill. What do you expect? This is a blog. And I miss Pretty Lady. She always made me feel better with her alcohol-based nostrums and sound nutritional advice (is that not a wonder? A health person who does not run shrieking from liquid spirits.) She never sang "Soft Kitty", though.

 So here is something I want to share so you may feel as unpleasant as I.

 art by Albino Bunny   Ganked from Uniblogger


Michael W said...

If you're hoping to find an explanation for Disney's marketing philosophy here, then sorry but you'll have to go to the next window. Years ago I had outlined a film trailer idea for A PRINCESS OF MARS. Then Disney grabs the franchise and begins marketing it with all the apparent wisdom of Hitler waking up one morning and realizing that Russia ain't too far away.

("John Carter of Earth". No, dummy, you people refer to it as Jasoom. If movie audiences can sit through Elven dialogue in the LOTR films . . . and the synthetic language of Avatar . . . then presumably they can take the occasional word in the Barsoomian tongue. And that's MISTER SF Novel Snob to you.)

I'm still very much up in the air on whether or not I'll see John Carter in the theater. In the meantime, the newest trailer for The Avengers looks yummy.

The Aardvark said...

Then, dang it, put up your "CLOSED" sign and go eat your liverwurst and red onion on rye in the break room!

Orson Bean on "Johnny Carson" intoning in his boozy Bostonian smug tones "the hurtling moons of Barsoom". Great stuff!

Since you brought up LOTR, John Carter's Superior Earth Strength vs Barsoom's Lower Mass leaping about in the battle scenes reminded me of nothing less (more?) than Legolas mad snowboarding skillz in the Oliphaunt battle. Or is it goreboarding?

Michael W said...

I'm going to have to go back and peek at the Mars books. I knew John Carter gained greater agility due to the lesser gravity of Barsoom, but greater strength?

And Weatherly, has your e-mail address changed recently?

The Aardvark said...

No. I had "mailbox is full" issues, and spent much of Sunday deleting huge swaths of junk.

I just emailed you @yahoo. Did you not get it?

The Aardvark said...

Do you and Denise like travel? When it is paid-for?
Are you conversant in things Whovian?

Go to this website: http://conkasterborous.wordpress.com/

So here's the pitch: Put together a "bringing you up to date" Dr. Who panel that will acquaint newbie Whovians (who think that the universe began with Christopher Eccleston) with the joys of classic Doctors Who, Hartnell through McCann (?).) I can plug this with the Con Chair (with whom I am close personal friends, he bragged fecklessly) and we could get y'all to the con as a guest. Huh? HUH?

Can you do it, Dodgers?

Let me know soonest or instanter if you would remotely be interested.

Your agent,

Michael W said...

I got your e-mail. Did you get my reply?

(Confessing that Yahoo's outdoing itself in terms of flushing quality down the toilet.)

The Aardvark said...

Ixnay. whardy(at)Hiwaay.net?

The Aardvark said...

derp. whardy@hiwaay.net