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Thursday, April 14, 2005

Pulling a Religion Out of your Butt...

The latest bit of glurge to clot the finite bandwidth is "The Rainbow Bridge".
This load of dingo's kidneys has been popularized by none other than Mr. Feelgood himself, Neal Boortz, who got all verklempt upon reading it on the air.
Here is the regrettable "poem":

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

*ahem* I wouldn't want to be known, either. According to my #2 son, Riatsila, this comes across as the sort of thing you make up to tell your kid when Rover gets pureed by an SUV.

It speaks authoritatively of Things Supranatural. It is thus Religious.
This author has pulled a religion out of his nethers.

Tangentially,Momoovark, my sweet missus, said it all:
"Religion is people doing what they want, rather than accepting what God (in Christ) has done for them.

Cue Sinatra: :"I did it MY-Y-Y-Y-Y WA-A-A-A-AY!"

That settles the issue of "religion" for me.

Back to the Bridge: Riatsila queried "What happens to goldfish?".
Clearly they flop around in an eternity of drowning, unable to die, refreshed only by the occasional puddle of dog drool, then flopping over to their owners-in-life, to find the only moist areas available to them.

That's what I call Heaven...

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