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Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Felix sit annus novus

2018 is past, long may it putrefy.

2019 lies before us in lissome beauty. We hope.
Himself went to Columbus, OH with Noel to sell shirtage at Ohayocon. We stayed at a down-at-the-heels Days Inn near the aerodrome (the place did not have sprinklers). It was a clean place, redolent with Neutron Industries deodorisers. The Free Breakfast! was entirely carb-based, not even a hard-boiled egg in sight, yet, it got us cranked. We would Uber to the convention center (as economical as paying for parking). We did very well for ourselves, sales-wise, and may this presage pecuniary goodness for the rest of the yahren.

One thing. One teeny, weeny thing, my boy...I was writing up a sale, and I heard a masculine voice ask something. I responded "Yes, sir" to which the response was "Ma'am". Not sure of my hearing (my shell-likes are not what they were) I turned and asked "Excuse me?" "Ma'am", the kimonoed customer said. The voice, the jawline, the Adam's apple, the shadow beard, all screamed "GUY!!!". Yet, he insisted that I refer to him as "Ma'am" because he felt pretty, oh so pretty in that kimono. I acknowledged that, but did not utter the noun. He kept looking at shirts, and I felt the heat rising from my shoulders up into my face. Anger.

"OOOOOH! You're a HATER!!"
No. I was an angry little Aardvark. But why? It took a bit for me to compute it, but I came to the realisation that what this person was DEMANDING of me was to throw out every read, ID marker, every bit of Things As They Are that I have compiled in 61 years. "Ignore reality as you have experienced it for over six decades, because I am delusional, and wish for you to celebrate my delusion. Reject the world as you know it, because of my feelings."

When he was ready to purchase, I motioned Noel to deal with it. I could not trust myself, I was so shaken by this. Not because he was wearing woman's garb (been in the anime con scene for 15 years, and have seen a lot of crossplay...no harm, no foul.) but because that he insisted I deconstruct Reality to suit his feelings. I reject this, utterly.

I was subjected to a dreadful "Party tape" in high school (one of those comics who revel in ribaldry). One character in a joke was a lisping mincing guy who was headed for the "Ladies Room". The hero objects but the ponce says "But I have my Mother's features!". Our Hero responds "You may have your Mother's features, but you have your Father's fixtures, so you know where to go!".

Here endeth the lesson.

1 comment:

Michael W said...


And people wonder why I'm not more socially outgoing. Not when the rules keep constantly changing as fast as comic companies keep retconning their titles (you hear me, DC?).

Maybe I should start working with you at your table again. This way, instead of Noel, you can say you've got an Attack Author on your staff.

Or, then again, perhaps this is the Lord's way of telling you to step up your mail-order game.