Hello, Mr. and Mrs. America, and all the ships at sea…

I am reporting from Parts Unknown. Part of our public presentation involves each member of our sales team wearing a different color of camo. The Dread Dormomoo wears lime green; I wear purple. “Where would you hide wearing that?” the mundanes query. I fix them with my most reasonable face and tell them “Why, the Welch’s grape vineyards, of course.”.

I was waiting for the chef to prepare my pancakes at the Marriott buffet -no silver dollars, here; these were old-school hotel plate-sized pancakes- when this grandmotherly sort asked the camo question. I explained, and as I enlightened her, a little birdlike lady, probably sixty-or-so (I would say "ma'am" to her), flanked me and said “Well I think they look sexy….”

What can I say, beyond “Why don’t the twenty-somethings say that?”.

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Just saw a shirt with a picture of Roosevelt which proclaims “FDR is dead.”.

Good.

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I am at Classic Movie Monstercon in Kingsport, TN. I had to forego another area con to help out with this one. Sara Karloff is a featured guest, being Boris’ daughter. Inherited celebrity has always been odd to me, I suppose in the same way that leftists grump about trust-fund kids. Reminds me of Penn Jillette’s appropriate grumpery over magician who spent weeks inside a room built of ice. “He’s famous for being NEXT to ice.”.

Sara is a sweet lady, and her celebrating her father’s talent is a good thing. Keeping the torches lit, I reckon. And the pitchforks sharpened.

Donnie Dunagan, the Son of Frankenstein, is here. He was also the facial model for “Bambi” in the original Disney film. Felix Silla, the guy inside the Twiki suit in the Buck Rogers. If a small person was needed in a role, Mr. Silla fills the bill, as well as the latex suit. He was the hang-gliding Ewok in Return of the Jedi. He was even in the original Star Trek pilot “Menagerie”. He is a nice guy, who has earned his cadre of fans.

The con organizer, Bill Millhorn, had only spoken to me by phone, and was surprised to meet me. He thought I was 25. Ah, the reedy tenor strikes again. He is a hefty man who moves like a force of nature through the room.. He and his friends have pulled together a neat concept convention for fans of the classic midnight horror-show monsters. Tim Herron, a horror host and actor for thirty years, is portraying Frankenstein’s creature for a panel. He does a spot-on Karloff.

I am drafting on other people's nostalgia, here. My neck of the woods did not have the Saturday midnight horror shows (and I likely would not have been allowed to see 'em if they existed). The classic Universal monster movies, as well as the plethora of B-pictures on telly were great fun. (My earliest TV memories were "It Came From Beneath the Sea", as well as "The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T"...and, of course "Supercar"!). I never had the Ashley Ghastly or Zacherly experience, sad to say. No celebrations of hair-raising chiller thrillers.

Something that amazes me is the plethora of mediocre artists who attain a level of notoriety and fandom at media conventions. I mean really mediocre. I guess if you can draw nipples, then you can get fans

Sigh.