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Sunday, February 24, 2008


Physician,

Heal

Thy

Wallet

As a collector of alternative medicine arcanum, I find my interest in it is NewsMaxed out. I REALLY am tired of NewsMax. They cannot comprehend that "No!" means No.
I have tried to opt out, but like unwanted pr0n pop-ups, they keep showing up.

What has really gotten me perturbed is the adverts they send camouflaged as news. "Dr. Shylock's Newsletter" promises virtually Gnostic truths about this vitamin and that phyto-nutrient, and which two food additives will make your bladder invert. All you have to do is subscribe to his newsletter!

Now, I believe a laborer is worthy of his hire, but where such dire health results are in the balance, isn't it a tad unethical to hold seekers of medical good hostage to making them buy your newsletter to save their lives? If the Army doesn't want to fight the Prostate That Ate Cleveland, then the good Doc should pony up the info that will whittle the Florida grapefruit currently wrapped around Mr. Jones' urethra down to its accustomed walnutty dimensions.

Add to this the fact that most of these newsletters YELL THEIR PROPAGANDA AT THE TOP OF THEIR KEYBOARDS!!!

LIVE TO BE 100 BY DOING LINES OF BARLEY POWDER!!!!


YOGURT ENEMAS GAVE THE HUNZA SUPERPOWERS, AND LOTS OF MESSY FUN!!!!!

Like that.

Oh, the real annoyance is that they are not newsletters at all; they are catalogs.


BUY THIS MULTIVITAMIN, OR HAVE YOUR HEAD EXPLODE WITH A THERMONUCLEAR ANEURYSM.

"Foul", I cry. Foul and Bravo Sierra.

I also declare shenanigans.

6 comments:

Rigel Kent said...

It seems like you've been havin' a rough couple of days Aardvark, so here's a little somethin' I hope cheers you up.

The Aardvark said...

Rigel, you are a true friend! Thank you!
Say, have you seen any of the Star Trek animated series? mid-'70s, there was a cartoon done, and it was decent. Actual SF writers were often employed. Most fans pretend it never happened.

Like Star Trek: The Motion Picture.
----------------------
I dunno, I think that I am a target for seasonal depression or somesuch. Not enough sunshine.

Actually the "Physician" thing is more humor, though the truth is in there, too.

Saturday I was just ticked. A Jeremiah moment, perhaps.
Hope you have a grand week! I have busy-ness to keep me out of mischief.

Anonymous said...

Oh, man, I am laughing so hard right now...

This dovetails with a discussion going on at another blog I visit, actually--about a Don Colbert, who has a "Bible Cure" for everything.

These people are everywhere.

The Aardvark said...

Don Colbert was born in Tupelo, Mississippi. He received a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology at Oral Roberts School of Medicine in Tulsa, Oklahoma. ...

Dr. Colbert is Board Certified in family Practice, has received graduate courses in Nutrition, Exercise and Physiology and Preventive Medicine from Loma Linda University.


This is supposed to give us confidence in him.
The Loma Linda pedigree assures us of his being a stealth Judaizer.

Rigel Kent said...

It used to be up on youtube (animated series), but when all the talk when around about lawsuits over copyrighted materiel it was taken down.

I know Alan Dean Foster novelised them.

The Aardvark said...

Alan Dean Foster- I must admit to a great fondness for his work. The Commonwealth series is fun. I appreciate his short stories.

Splinter of the Mind's Eye should have died aborning.

Not that I have strong opinions or anything.